Le Touriste 😎 Part 5

“Ask not what good can one Emoji do.
Ask what can one good Emoji not do?”
~ President Jo King Emoji 😁

After having a nice splash and a float
In the ocean (Mr. Smiley Face was still
too full of alien hot air to sink or swim)
our intrepid Emoji retured to his sand
castle to find someone had left a parcel
in his plastic bucket. A bag labelled 🚙
Uber Eats. He quickly opened it. Inside
was an Apple iPhone, an Apple Watch,
a pair of Apple EarPods, a Columbia
Pictures Incorporated credit card, the
name Mr. Smiley Alias printed on it,
a dozen passports, and a bundle of cash.
There was absolutely nothing to eat in it
🍏. But there was a folded up note. It was
from his old comrade in arms (despite
being armless), Sergeant Peepers 👀.
The note instructed Smiley to quickly
check his WhatsApp messages, whilst
reassuring him there’d be no problems
as WhatsApp has unbreakable 🗣️🚫👂
end-to-end encryption. And the iPhone had been preset to Mr. Smiley Face facial
recognition only.

Smiley Face 😎 and Peepers 👀 had
served together as privates, under the
legendary Major Pain-In-The-Face 😡
(Emojis, being two dimensional, have
no back sides. Just a lot of front.), back
in 1980, when the Puppet Master
(Jim Henson) sold out to the evil 😈
Disney conglomeration. A day that will
live in Muppet infamy! 👹 In the ensuing
Sesame Street riots, Mr. Smiley Face
was severely injured when some grouch
tried to wipe the smile off his face with
a trash can. Peepers 👀 eyewitnessed
the incident, and got Smiley evaced to
safety. Meanwhile, the few surviving
Muppet Independence protesters were
rounded up by the Disney collaborators,
led by a despicable amphibian by the
name of Kermit, and never seen again.

Mr. Smiley Face 🤕 was duly awarded the Yellow Heart of Valour Medal 💛. Whilst spending many months in an
Emoji military hospital 🏥 where, it
would seem, he fell madly in love with
his nurse, Sister Morphine 💉 😍 But eventually, she broke poor Smiley’s heart 💔 when she withdrew 😢 her affections. She was last seen hanging out with that
cyberpunk band, The Kronic Infections.

Soon afterwards, Mr. Smiley Face signed
up with the highly dangerous ASSES
(All Smiling Special Emoji Services),
the top secret covert operations unit of
the Emoji Liberation Front (Remember,
Emojis don’t have backs). There, he felt,
he had found his true passion, to become
the top gun Emoji Smiling Assassin 😎

[For clarification, all guns are banned
in Emoji Land. By executive order of the
Commander and Chief, President Jo King
(Democrat). So children, that is why you
will never see a gun in Emoji hands 🖐️
They are armless … except for that crack
squad of smiling assassins from ASSES.]

Private Peepers 👀 was soon promoted
to Sergeant, and put in charge of the
Emoji Liberation Front’s electronic and
cyber warfare unit. It is now fondly
referred to as Sergeant Peeper’s Emoji
Hearts Club Band, for everytime an
unsuspecting user attaches an Emoji heart ♥️ to their electronic messaging,
they are actually downloading the
Sergeant’s 👀 all seeing spyware.
Also, a little gift for the recipient 💝
as soon as they open it. Especially
around Valentine’s Day. But fear not …
unless you’re under the sway, or in the
pay of the Disney Conglomerate 😱

Meanwhile Major Pain-In-The-Face 😡
retired to write ponderous, and deeply meaningless poetry, that he insists
on reciting in full 🤯 at the BoHo MoJo Poetry Club in Emoji City 🏩 🏰 🏩

All alone at the beach, Mr. Smiley Face
was most eager to hear from home. So
he turned on the iPhone, and tapped
the WhatsApp icon;

Classified – Top Secret
… READ AND DELETE
From: Sergeant Peepers 👀
To: Special Agent Mr. Smiley Face 😎
Re: e-Mission Improbable
Codenamed – ‘KILL ELMO’

Way to go, Amigo! May the successful
completion of your e-Mission bring
glory to the great Emmo Jo (Sergeant
Peepers 👀 is a bit of a fundamentalist)!
As informed by General Serious Face
🧐 of Emoji Military Intelligence, that
atheist red ragger can’t be found any
place. But as for that incompetent
ninny Fozzie (Elmo’s DDS handler),
he should be easy to trace. I’ve put my
best band of Emoji hearts 🖤💛❤️💜
on the case. So stick to the cover story
of being a tourist, keep the iPhone
handy, and I’ll pass on any updates.
As always, I’ve got your back, Smiley
Face. Particularly now that you have
achieved your ambition to reposition
into the third dimension, and actually
have a back. Apparently the process of
transition into a real boy of substance
is irreversibly in progress. Personally
I would prefer, when you give Elmo a
vengeful taste of justice, you do it as
an Emoji. As a real boy of substance,
it could be viewed simply as a case
of self defence!
Now, about that Columbia Pictures
Corporation credit card. It seems
that when you bagged Anna, and her
sister, Elsa the Snow Queen, you got
all of Hollywood’s attention!

I’ve since heard word that the Evil
Empire simply boxed up Anna, and
her frigid sister. Placing them both
in a cryogenic freezer. Right next to
their Lord and Master, Walt the Evil
Emperor 🥶 They are praying 🙏 for
a future reanimation, with much
profitable merchandising💰 💵 🤑

Talking of which, Columbia Pictures
outbid Netflix for the movie rights
to your e-Mission. They’re planning
a sequel to The Emoji Movie, that
piece of fanciful fiction. Only this
time a docudrama! The studio heads
were quite taken with your dedication
to become a real boy of substance.
To go chasing the magical dragon,
Puff … an act of pure desperation!
The upshot is that Columbia pictures
are now very keen to facilitate your
e-Mission. An Emo-jihad most
righteous, against that infidel red rag.
So go have some unlimited fun with
a credit card of unlimited funds.
On the successful completion of your
e-Mission, simply text me the words,
‘Sunny Side Up’🌞 and I’ll happily
notify Emoji High Comand.
May the Great Keyboard Operator be
watching over you, my special agent
friend. Freedom or Martyrdom! ✊
… Smiles Always, Sergeant Peepers 👀

Words & Images;
David B. Redpath © 2019

70 thoughts on “Le Touriste 😎 Part 5”

  4. “After having a nice splash and a float
    In the ocean (Mr. Smiley Face was still
    too full of alien hot air to sink or swim)”
    😄🌊
    The “bagged” punnyness made me smile.
    (Bit of a handbag fetish, also am
    an admitted fan
    of Anna and Elsa ;))
    👛👜❄️👩🏻‍🦰
    You’re an artistic genius, David
    😇

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    2. Talking about handbags
      and purses,
      I do know that Mr. Smiley Face
      has much remorse for the course
      of that Frozen “discourse” ❄️
      In fact, he couldn’t feel worse ☹️
      All that, and more,
      will be revealed
      in due course 👍

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      2. It’s just a temporary delirium, Nadine.
        I’ll get over it when finished writing
        about trans-dimensional Emojis.
        I’m praying 🙏 for a case
        of writer’s block
        so I can take a break
        from Mr. Smiley Face, that yellow
        little corn flake (who I love dearly) 😎

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I just saw your last comment and tried to reply to it, but somehow seem to have made it disappear instead! 😥⁉️🤓 I’m sorry David I’m a true klutz in between other tasks… either that or my phone has issues too. xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yes, I know the feeling Nadine.
        I do all my blogging on my Huawei
        smart phone due to a dead battery
        iPad, and a dying computer. The
        Huawei keeps spell checking in
        Cantonese, and messaging in
        Mandarin? It also keeps blocking
        the comments section, just in case
        the comments don’t agree with the
        WordPress regime 🤔 perhaps it’s
        time to get a new phone?

        Liked by 1 person

      8. A technophile (nerd) friend of mine
        recommended the Huawei P30 Pro
        smart phone because it had the best
        camera available at the time. I was
        a bit dubious about buying it, for as
        they say, “With a Huawei Phone, you
        are never alone!”. Now I’m always
        nervous about who else is listening
        in 📱👂🤔 😎

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I hear you on the camera, and on the nervousness. But even on other phones we have to wonder about the apps and the permissions we agree to. 😬Don’t like to think about it tooooo much, personally…. I have a second-hand iphone SE I bought off ebay a few years ago. I like the photos, mostly turned out better than my canon ixus, except for videos in low lighting. The iphone (at least the model I have) is not good for that. xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      10. I compared the photos my Huawei
        Phone takes, with a 30 × Optical
        Zoom camera 📷 with a Leica lens,
        and the smart phone’s pictures
        were better! So I’ll be keeping it for
        a while. But I know the new iPhones
        have jumped ahead.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Lol! 😆
        I asked my son about his.
        he got a new android recently, it’s this one.
        UMIDIGI Power 64 Go 4 Go
        Came with charger, case (really nice grip), screen protector, for €117 (new), on ebay,
        I tested the camera, seems very good. Video is better in low light than on my iphone SE, for sure.
        🤓😊📸

        Liked by 1 person

      14. I’m just waiting for the next generation
        ‘Embedded’ Smart Phones (iAm-Phone).
        Small and implanted under the skin.
        They’re recommending best placed on
        the forehead. For those who want to
        . . . get ahead 😎

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you muchly, Fiery.
      Yes, I’ve been back for a couple of
      months from my 8, 000 thousands
      kilometre drive around the northern
      end of Australia … and I’m already
      going stir crazy! Surrounded by a
      gaggle of small children (All care
      given. No responsibility taken).
      Hence the Smiley Face saga 😎
      I’m thinkin’ I must’ve been born
      a ramblin’ man? Feeling a bit like
      I’m imprisoned in a gilded birdcage
      of domestic bliss. My fair muse
      keeps me amused, but the road
      keeps on a-callin’. Fortunately for
      me, Lindy also likes a-travelin’.
      So busy planning our next trip.
      Leaving, on Christmas Day, for the
      Tropic of Capricorn, and warmer
      waters 🏝️

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  6. I thought of a love story but this was very short. Heart break made armless Mr. Smiley Face strong 👍😂 Hope you add an action scene in the next. 🤣
    Its amazing. Liking the series. 😊 Entertaining.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Will Mr. Smiley Face find true love ❤️
      on his mission to find Elmo?
      That is an interesting question, Kritika.
      But I’m sure he’ll encounter plenty
      of Emoji action 😎 🤺
      Thanks for supporting Mr. Smiley Face
      on his odyssey 🙏 A journey through
      a dysfunctional Third Dimension.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Mr. Smiley Face was beamed into
      outer space, by a strange green alien
      race. Then picked up by a satellite
      dish located in the Australian outback.
      He then hitched a ride to the Coral
      Coast, for he had a desperate wish
      to see the ocean for himself.
      His good friend, Sergeant Peepers
      is able to order just about anything
      on the internet, being a cyber whizz,
      and have it delivered by Uber.
      Amazon is very obliging, when there’s
      a dollar in it💲💵
      Thanks for the interest, Larisa.
      And Mr. Smiley Face say have a
      holiday most pleasant 💛 🌹
      (And don’t worry, I’ve already made
      an appointment with a therapist
      … soon as l’ve done the last Mr. Smiley
      Face post 😎)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Aw 🥰 Tell Mr. Smiley Face I bid him a wonderful holiday as well —mine is shaping out to be lovely, or so it looks like currently. I had a smaller and more spherical version of Mr. Smiley Face when I was little—I took him to school with me lol.

        Ps. I looked up the Tropic of Capricorn and still have no clue where that is.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The Tropic of Capricorn runs through
        Northern Australia, from tropical
        coast, drought stricken country,
        and red desert. I recently drove up
        and around it. Still getting the red
        dust off my car and shoes.
        My Mr. Smiley Face was given to
        me by my No. 2 son, so he is a very
        important Emoji 😎 At least to me.
        And now, like a Blues Brother, he’s
        on a mission from Emo-Jo 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you for enlightening me 😉 I saw that it basically runs around the world so I couldn’t picture where your Christmas vacation will be. I do think I need to have my Christmas wintery and cold. Omg we are talking about the Tropic of Capricorn and Jeopardy just announced it to be one of their categories so now they are discussing it on tv. Lol, how odd.
        Mr. Smiley Face sounds very important, indeed 🙏🏻

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The Synchcronicity is with thee 🙏
        Strange, as I was thinking of the
        Henry Miller book, Tropic of Capricorn.
        The prequel to his other book, The
        Tropic of Cancer. That’s the one that
        goes through the Pacific North West.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Most lovely words are said by you to Mr.Smiley.really funny post.😊😊😊🤔🤔🤔🤔😰😰😰🍦🍦🍦🍨🍨🍨something these emotions for your smiley.interesting trip with Mr
    SMILEY.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Nothing fills the creative void than
      an overdose of that Emoji steroid.
      It comes in a cute little yellow pill 😎
      Yes, they’re round, they roll,
      and they rock.
      One small dose can even solve and
      dissolve a bad case of writer’s block.
      Or so I’ve been told 🤔

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
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  15. How delightfully absurd! Although this bit does have the ring of truth to it:

    Meanwhile Major Pain-In-The-Face 😡
    retired to write ponderous, and deeply meaningless poetry, that he insists
    on reciting in full 🤯 at the BoHo MoJo Poetry Club in Emoji City 🏩 🏰 🏩

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  18. This is easily one of the best (if not best) original pieces of poetry I’ve read in a long time. It is a blend of humour, science fiction, spy thriller and roller coaster satirical storytelling. I’m amazed 😮 and star struck 🤩 David.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I greatly appreciate your kind comment.
      Especially from you, Nitin. I have the
      highest respect for your profoundly
      insightful, and eclectic writing.
      As I keep telling people, I’m just a ghost
      writer 👻 for an overly ambitious 😎
      Emoji angling for a screenplay deal 🎥

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
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