I heard the news today, oh boy!

Not from him … or her

… but from him …

Vague Rant, the Placebo Town prophet,
warning that Zombies are coming out
. . . shopping for fright night outfits! πŸ‘—

So stay away from the shopping malls
unless you wish to be mauled to bits!

Three Zombies and a Vampire;
Amazing what can be done with a bit
of make-up! As for Lolita the Vampire,
in that midnight blue dress, no smoke
and mirror of horror for her. A very thick
layer of spray tan will protect her from
the harsh rays of the sun β˜€οΈ Day or night
… Ghouls just wanna have fun!

It was just last Halloween
that the Vampire, Sweet Lolita,
came a-knocking at my door
asking the question,
“Trick or Treat?”
Always wanting more I replied,
“Why not both?”
At that, quick as a flash, Lolita
handed me my still beating heart πŸ’—
Sadly, I’ve been a heartless Zombie,
with a taste for human flesh, ever since.

For a Zombie like me, Halloween
is just an excuse to get off my face 😎

Vague Rant would like to wish
all you monstrous infidels a most
horrendously horrific Halloween

~ David B. Redpath Β© 2022

‘David In His Closet’ artwork
courtesy of Multiple Michael Β© 2022

73 thoughts on “Phobophobia”

      1. For a bit of All Hallows’ Eve fun
        you put the spleen into Halloween,
        and I’ll rip it out out again πŸ§Ÿβ€β™‚οΈ
        Have a great one … or two, K πŸ–€


    1. Greatly appreciated, David πŸ™
      Halloween must be the religious
      feast highest in carbohydrates,
      with hideous beasts stuffed full
      of sugary treats, like macabre
      piΓ±atas. If you can’t beat them
      (like a piΓ±ata) when they knock
      at your doorπŸšͺ😡 then join them,
      I guess πŸ¬πŸŽƒπŸ­

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I don’t don’t know about vampires πŸ§›β€β™€οΈ or πŸ§Ÿβ€β™‚οΈ or bitchy πŸ§™β€β™€οΈ but you certainly are a monsters word slayer that sings to his own tunes. Booo!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gee whiz, Liz!
      You haven’t met Vague Grunt yet,
      Vague Rant’s rather less spiritual
      brother. Also a bit less cerebral,
      and much more emotional, than
      Reverent Brother Vague Rant.
      A bit of an oxymoron, come to
      think of it πŸ€” πŸ•ΆοΈ

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s Vague Rant’s twin brother,
      Vague Grunt, you really dont want
      to meet … any time of the year, JT.
      He’s the really scary 😱 member
      of that family πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦


    1. Thank you, Basilike πŸ¦‡ You too 😎
      After being kidnapped by goblins,
      I’ve been kept busy in Satan’s
      Workshop making wonderful toys
      for Halloween. I believe there’s
      one with your name on it … but
      only if you’ve been very naughty?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mysterious forces seem to conspire
        in order to keep us apart, Basilike?
        It truly is a riddle. Hopefully we
        can one day meet in the middle.
        Perhaps if I behaved a bit better,
        the goblins of Satan’s workshop
        might give me time off to pursue
        the matter πŸ€” πŸ•ΆοΈ Likewise, if your
        behaviour was not so nice and
        proper? Not that I’d ever point
        a finger 😎

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve got through, thank you πŸ–€
        (and apparently recognised as
        a loyal WordPress follower of
        yours … ironically).
        The Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
        once told me off when I insisted
        on wearing black, instead of orange
        as one of his followers. When the
        Rajneesh finally said that orange
        was the new black, I had no choice
        but to kill him … Oops, I’m not
        meant to tell anybody! Please
        forget I said that, Basilike πŸ™

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for attending my
      SΓ©ance of Silliness, John.
      If you can’t have a bit of
      demonic fun at Halloween,
      then we may as well quit the
      WordPress Coven 😱 πŸ§Ÿβ€β™€οΈ πŸ§›β€β™€οΈ

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Timothy.
      As a follower of Vague Rant’s
      teachings, known as the ‘Inspired
      Rantings’, being a lifeless and brain
      dead zombie makes me the perfect
      disciple. Being heartless is just an
      added bonus. I’m even thinking of
      running for office πŸ€” πŸ•ΆοΈ

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Vague Rant is the poor man’s
      Nostradamus, as his prophesies
      are priceless (as in, worthless,
      since all his prognostications
      turn out to be wrong).
      Thanks for joining the Placebo
      Town Coven for some crafty fun πŸ‘»

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy Halloween, David. I must confess that photo of Three Zombies and A Vampire you have there are the most delightful three zombies and a vampire I have ever seen. I can imagine my vampire novel character of the vampire hunter Dracul (who’s a combination of James Bond and Sherlock Holmes but especially James Bond particularly as played by Sean Connery rather than Daniel Craig) would probably make out with all 4 of them. No doubt getting his heart ripped out in the process. I’m just wondering if the model for your photo of Vague Rant is Uncle Ernie dressed as a Catholic priest for Halloween.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A very good guess, Christopher.
      Vague Rant does bear a striking
      resemblance to Uncle Ernie. So
      much so that Vague Rant often
      works as Uncle Ernie’s understudy
      when ‘Cumalita: The Drag Show
      Spectacular’ is on tour. In fact,
      Vague Rant was chosen to play the
      role of Nosferatu in the Harvey
      Weinstein production remake of
      that Vampire classic, but sadly it
      got canned for some reason. He’s
      been so heartbroken about the
      cancellation that ever since poor
      Vague Rant has been roaming the
      streets prophesying impending
      gloom and doom. I guess if he
      keeps it up sooner or later he’ll be
      right, because up till now all his
      prognostications have been dead
      wrong. He even predicted that the
      next James Bond would be Black
      … Jack Black! Ridiculous, right?
      Jack Black is way too … American.

      A Happy Festival of Samhain to you,
      Christopher πŸ‘»πŸ˜±

      Liked by 1 person

  3. David, This was very well done! Thanks!

    I made the mistake of reading this before I went to the farmers’ market. I always look in the organic organ meat freezer. I could not bring myself to buy either the pig heart or the pig tongue or anything in that freezer. You and your gifted friend there have deprived me until I get these images out of my mind.

    Meanwhile, we have the zombies ruling over us to tackle……….Best, Sarah

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sarah, you’ve really surprised me!
      Despite being neither kosher, nor
      organic, and highly toxic after years
      of consuming plastic, I thought my
      heart looked rather tasty!? β™₯️ πŸ‘€
      Nice and pink, rather than rotten
      and black πŸ–€ as my dear mother
      always told me.
      But then, I am a Zombie πŸ§Ÿβ€β™‚οΈ
      So, I guess a little Halloween bite
      is out of the question? 😎
      Have a great one, Sarah πŸ¦‡πŸŽƒπŸ‘»


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